“You need to move on. Man up. Fake. Everyone is a victim of something. What were you wearing?” These are some of the comments on my social media pages dedicated to raising awareness about childhood sexual assault. “Stop crying already.” Sprinkled among the mostly loving support and affirmations from other survivors are ignorance, apathy, hate, and sometimes pure evil.
At first, I was nervous about sharing online. I know how shitty people can be on the internet. My heart raced, and I got angry at the strangers’ ugly words. I breathed through it, and I wondered, who are these people who troll and act like that online? Cyberbullying is nothing new and has been commonplace since Bill Clinton called Monica Lewinski “that woman.” I even have a few friends that are not very nice on the internet. I’ve come across them in forums, perhaps giving them a call to see if they are okay. But I digress.
Most trolls online are private accounts with a few followers and no profile picture. And most are men, easy to tell by the language. “Did it hurt when he went in?” I usually ignore them and block the few dedicated pedo trolls that make new accounts simply to stalk mine(and I imagine a few other creators). “And you waited 50 years to cry about it on social media?” But the ones that are the most interesting to me are not over the edge, and the person is not what I would consider a troll. These have their faces showing, sometimes with good intentions, sometimes not.
People say shitty things on the internet, and I leaned hard into my reactions and responses. Why did they have so much power over me? Could it be that I am reading their words in my inner voice? Does that create a more powerful message? Could I turn that around and use it for good?
Who are these trolls? Kind of like, who keyed my car? I find it infuriating to feel attacked without a way to defend myself. “You don’t win a prize for being molested. It happens to women all the time.” And the well-meaning folks who point out the positive aspects of getting raped, beaten, and tortured as a child. “Well, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” and “God gave you that battle because He knew what a strong warrior you are.”
People say shitty things on the internet, and I was fully aware of this before I began to create an online presence. But after a while, it all starts to sound the same. And affect me less because I am used to it, and it does not reflect what I believe about myself. And it’s not that I don’t care what other people think. There are many people in my life who I care greatly about what they believe. I am beginning to care less and less about what the people who say ugly things on the internet think. Because it is such a small-minded thing to do, and, honestly, I could give a rats ass about what narrow-minded people think.
For real. I reflect positivity more and more; therefore, it is what I absorb more and more. Life is good.
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In Loving Service,
Forrest Lang